The wife and I are on vacation. We go to the Gallaga version of Kennebunkport or Martha’s Vineyard: South Padre Island.

Our favorite restaurant, Pirate’s Landing, has a drink special. You order one of their watery alcoholic frozen beverages and they’ll bring it to you in a monkey coconut head.

I’m game. Obviously I’m game for a monkey head made out of a coconut. I mean, look at this damn site. Could I be more fucking game?

The thing costs $12. I hesitated when I saw the price. But, shit. I’m on vacation. I’m ordering a drink anyway. It’s a monkey head! Come on, you cheapskate. Pony up.

My wife ordered water.

They bring the daquiri to the table in the promised head container.

It looks like this:

Oh man. Jesus.

I mean, really. Wow. That thing is butt-ugly. And the drink that I ordered, nestled as it is in the monkey head, is like 6 ounces of watery frozen beverage in a Dixie cup.

I made a sound like a child crying after getting a shitty toy for Christmas. I went, “Wuuuuuuuuu. (Sniff).”

I took the drink out of the coconut head, just to make myself feel a little better about it. It didn’t help that children who’d ordered (presumably) non-alcoholic beverages seeemd perfectly content with their extraordinarily priced ugly monkeys.

My wife made me carry the fool thing to our car, where it sat in the backseat for days, unwanted and unloved.

Finally, I allowed it into my home, but only on the condition that my wife would take it to work where her work area is called “The Island” and such a monstrosity might be appreciated for its kitsch value.

So that’s the inspiration for this comic. I’m not sure why such an awful thing would be served at an IHOP, but I wish the seafood restaurant had just brought me a giant drink, sans monkey head, so I could have gotten drunk, blissfully unaware that blind island crafts children labor so toward such tacky results.